Boom Boom Clap, Boom de Clap de Clap

Welp. I'm home. Oh yay.

That's not a bad thing. I like being home. I think I just am sick of trying to be responsible. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to go to class. I just want to sit around and be a lazy ass.

I don't know why. It's not like anything in my life is really difficult right now. I think I'm just tired. Oh well. I'll get over it.

I really want to write. But I don't know if I can. It's not like I have to come up with the story; the story is already written. I just can't find the words. And that's frustrating. I feel like I'm just... abandoning people. Like, I know no one is going to cry themselves to sleep over it but I feel like I have an audience, including you Blog, and I want to adhere to you all. Not like you need the story retold. But you seem to enjoy it as much as everyone else does. And I don't want to not finish it. It's a great story. I just.. bah. I don't know what my issue is. Maybe if I tried again...

So, part of me thought of a neat little idea on my drive home today. I was, literally, screaming along to some music. I couldn't hear shit and my voice, which is already not awesome, was almost completely gone. Why? Because I wanted to. Because I like to drive and when I drive I like to listen to music and when I listen to music sometimes a song hits me. There are some songs out there that I literally think could have been written FOR me. It's crazy. Not every song fits like a glove, but some do. It's like "How... what?!" And I guess I wanted to post some of those lyrics and just... I dunno, explain why? Not that either you or I care, Blog. It was just a thought. It wasn't nearly as good of a blog idea as the one I had last time I drove home.

I might do that yet. I have to... choose the right lyrics.
... I should just do it now. I have the playlist. *rustle rustle*. Bonus points if you guess the song before I say it.

"When all that is waiting for you won't come any closer, you've got to reach out a little more."
Careful by Paramore

This one... it's kind of interesting for me. I mean, music being the relate-able fuck that it is, sometimes leaves things vague enough for anyone to attach to. This might be one of those, but I feel like a lot of times in my life, I've had everything in control but just... waited for it to fall in my lap. I guess this one has motivated me in the past, and will motivate me in the future, to see the bigger picture and really work for what I want. Sometimes, life isn't fair, but I feel like I have a good grasp on the difference between want, need, and impossible to have. This song, and this lyric, is always there to say "Stop being a dummy, dummy, and go get yo shit!".

... Alright, so, I just realized that I really only wanted to do this so I could mention this song/lyric.

"I'm on my guard for the rest of the world, but with you, I know it's no good."
Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift

It's almost irritating. It's like... goddamnit. Even if I WANTED to keep something from you, Blog, I couldn't. There are a million and a half times when we're talking that I'm like "WHY DID I JUST SAY/ADMIT THAT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME."

A perfect example: The hair. The goddamn hair. It's a perfect example because there was NO NEED to say it. At all. I could have just said "Eh, it looks fine." I could have been smug. I could have said nothing at all. But what did me and my dumbass do? Willingly, and unprovoked, I admitted how... to be blunt, how ridiculously hot I thought it was. (Also, I would feel a LOT more awkward saying that to anyone else. I don't know why I don't with you. Also, whatever, you like it. Kiiiind of the same way I called you an asshole for asking if I "still had a thing for brunettes" but, whatever, we both know I liked it.) WHY? I have no idea why. Because I just kind of... lose my filter I guess. I can hide anything from anyone at any time, except you. Um. Blog.

I know we've talked about it. I just... it baffles me. And I think that song just caught my ear because when I get hit with those green eyes (Whatever, they're green. Not hazel. I will fight that until the end. When do you ever look into your own eyes? Mirrors don't count.) I just kind of forget that I have to hide anything. I don't have to be cool all the time. I don't have to pretend I'm awesome if I'm not. I can just be. I can be me and that is perfectly acceptable and I love it.

It's just... it's just nice. And I hope that that's sort of a two way street. Though, it's not like you pretend to be someone you're not, Blog. You don't usually mince words. You also are the stoicism to my empathy. I mean, when you have feelings to share, I like to think that I'm one of the handful that gets to hear those feelings.

Maybe I'm wrong though.

I don't think I am a fake person, by the way. I like to think that I am not fake at all. I guess sometimes I feel like I have a persona to uphold, and it's nice when I don't have to worry constantly if what I'm doing or saying is okay.

I have no idea why I'm writing this anymore. My neck hurts, I can't stop coughing, and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Oh, and, I'm not using my Tumblr anymore. Just for keeping all the ones I follow in one place. Because, fuck it, I'll say it eventually. Either that, or I've got to quit being a Dante.

[boom]