You made me who I am, from the words you said

Champion by Chipmunk ft Chris Brown (I know, I know. He can suck it.)


Hi blog. Remember how I was going to elaborate on my post below? Yeah, I don't want to do that right now. I just want to check in.

I've been working a lot. With all the drama going on at work, I'm usually more exhausted than usual coming home. I hate my job. So much. Someday... someday I'll be better than this.

Right now, I'm cautiously optimistic. What does that mean, you ask? I'm not sure. My day started out meh, then it got shitty, then it got... better? I don't know. Nothing really happened one way or another. I wish that I would channel all the distraction I use with video games into writing. I have so many ideas but I'm all "nurr game nurr". It's weird. I didn't play video games for like, ever. Now I'm playing ALL THE TIME. Which is fine. I just wish I could force myself to write. I think I could actually write things that maybe I would let my friends read. If they wanted to... maybe... I mean, I wouldn't force them to. *cough*

Anyway. I got a new phone on my birthday (it's tradition to blog about it, don't roll your eyes). It's neat. I love it. Me gusta.

I'm the point of post-sick where I"m coughing but not a lot. It's just fucking annoying.

Anyway. I don't want to work tomorrow. So I think that's why I'm not going to bed. I know sleep makes it light which makes me have to work. I'm at the stage again where I just wake up in the morning and think "I don't want to fucking work in two days. At least by Sunday I'll be ready for a few days off."
THAT IS NOT HEALTHY.

I've been here before, though. And we all know that I won't do anything about it. Like I said, someday. At the least, I'll work my way up the ladder and not work at store level. Fuck store level. (Ooh lawdy, please don't fiah me massa!) <_____<

Anyway. I'll check in later, Internet. Just wanted you to know I'm still here.

[boom]

I can't pick a vague/relevant 10 Years lyric

I really hate when I'm online for like, six hours and then after I go to bed I decide I need to blog about something. That's probably because I am the goddamn king of distracting myself. And then everything comes back.

I feel that I need to blog right now, but I also feel that I would be the world's biggest douche for bitching about my terrible life during this time. So, for the time being, since I have to work in... five hours anyway, I'm going to write a cliff notes version. Rather, I'm going to make bullet points and come back. It's not going to help, really, and when I come back to write I'm either going to A. forget most if not all of my point and B. will most certainly loose the poetic and flowery way in which I describe most things. However, if I don't say anything, my thoughts will merely become ghosts of their former selves, haunting my mind for a few seconds at a time before drifting away and deteriorating. And there is nothing worse than rotting, dying thoughts in your head. It smells like failure and depression. And heroin.

Things that are utterly retarded that are bothering me somehow:
-Money
-Regrets (kind of. This makes it sound like i'm regretting stuff. Which I guess I am? It's more about the principle of the idea)
-College
-Work
-My insecurities (see also: my life)
-My desperate need for attention (see above)
-The fact that all the lyrics I ever post anywhere are thinly-veiled portals into my true thoughts and feelings, and therefore I don't post any lyrics ever because I don't want to make people feel awkward/seek attention (see above two entries)
-self medication
-multiple friends of mine
-the new roomie
-the fact that i just got too lazy to capitalize anything
-sinuses
-a new story plot, maybe.

Yeah. Anyway. I'll come back to all that soon. Maybe tomorrow. But I'm tired and my cat is awkwardly staring at me and I want him to stop. Maybe the thoughts will let me sleep now, too. Unless orange mcwhinybutt purrs in my ear all night. That'd be fun. Anyway...

[boom]

It's hard to have faith in anything

Remember that one time I got really sad for no reason?

Like, that one time I woke up and my dad was fixing the house and it was a nice, fall day and I played a new video game all day?

And then at the end of the day I just felt like total shit but still refused to really reach out to anyone?

Yeah.

Goodnight

[boom]