I won't let you, give up on a miracle

... When it might save you.

I'm the best Paramore fan. I WILL NOT TOLERATE BLASPHEMY ABOUT PARAMORE.


First, I had a dream that a coworker and I were walking around downtown with a blanket wrapped around us. The significance? The blanket played Call Me Maybe. Yep. That happened.

It's Rora's birthday today. Fuck that bitch.

I'm still pissed about Tumblr. But I'll one up you yet. And you'll never even know.

Truthbomb time.
Sam and I have a plan. It's not the plan I originally wanted, but it'll work.

So, blog, you turn 23 in one week. Well, officially it's 6 days. That is, if the 7th is 6 days away ;)

Anyway. I wanted to be in Madison by December. Why? Because it seems KK is going to be moving to California in December (probably). Alright. Cool. KK will be gone and I'll have my bonus check. It'll work.

Except Sam wants more time to plan. Alright, that works. So we set a goal. By the time you turn 24, blog, I want to be in Madison. That's a little longer than I want, but if there's one thing that I can be sure of... it's that it'll work out for the best. My gut has been wrong once in the last few months, and a handful of times in my entire life.

This is going to be one of the most important things in my life. For multiple reasons. My gut says so, my instinct says so.

So, I'll have a year to build up funds. Go to Biolife more often, start that savings account I wanted to start forever ago. Punch some numbers. Figure out what I can do a month, figure out my budget. I've kind of rooted around some apartments already, just to get an idea of what I'm looking at. Yes, Madison is a little more expensive than Point (yeah, no, just a little) but I think it'll work. I know, somehow, someway, it's gonna work.

My gut's not wrong. "It's not faith if, if you use your eyes."
Take that how you want, but shit's gonna get real interesting for me soon.

Say what you will, but give it a month... Hazel.
[boom]

And, no, that's not what this entire thing is about. I just think moving to Madison is going to be really good for me. I know it. Maybe this is just optimism... but I don't think so.

Turn this place into our private getaway

So, I've noticed something weird.

Is it possible that I have a friend on Twitter who will tweet at me, and then promptly delete any tweets with my mention? It seems that way. Yeah, I know, I'm paranoid about a lot of things. But... not this. Like, legit. I occasionally check my "ats" just to see if I've missed anything or if I missed an email or the like. I'll see an email pertaining to the person in question. Then check it. Respond if needed. And then... maybe a day, maybe an hour later, it's gone.

And it's not on her page either. It's just kind of weird. I don't quite understand it. Unless there's a significant other who would be jealous? Because that would be fucking stupid. We're in different states. Not gonna happen, lady. Please don't cut me.

Anyway. I don't want to go back to work. Like, at all. I'm sure it'll be fine... I hope. I have no idea what the status of the kitchen is going to be. But, onward and upward. Can't put it off forever. Or, I could, but I don't have the scratch to move to Madison yet.

I'm warm (because it's fucking hot in here) so I kind of took my hat off. Now it's sitting on the side of my head. I feel like T.I.

Cos I'm a baller. Shot caller. 20 inch blades. On the Impala.

They just blew up two cats in a microwave on ATHF. Now I remember why I hate this episode... and this show sometimes. It makes awesome background noise, though.

It's weird having spent so much time with people in a house because now I'm like "where are all the people?" But at the same time, I'm like dude, you need to be alone for awhile because you're not really an extrovert, now are you. It's weird. I don't always hate to be around people. I guess?

I still hate most people.

Alright, so, here's the last time (hopefully) I'm gonna talk about this.
Apparently Alyssa finally moved. At least that's what I gather from her Facebook. My initial reaction was a passive-aggressive "Goddamn finally" tweet. The other day, I guess Matt saw her in the store. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, and I literally said "What did that fucking cunt want?" Matt laughed. He didn't talk to her.

Why am I so irritated with her? Is it because I'm angry that she's being a raging cunt? Is it because things that she's said about me, about someone I'm very protective of, blog, are finally getting back to my ear holes? Is it because I know that I reacted like a jerk in the first place, and maybe this could have been avoided? Is it because I feel hurt because someone who was supposed to be my best friend practically abandoned everyone in her life so she could "start over"?

I guess I don't really know. But what I did tell a mutual friend of ours, if you can assume that she still has any friends, is that I don't know what I could possibly do at this point to repair the damage that's been done. And to be completely honest, with both myself and with you...

... I don't know if I'd want to if I did.

Let's take a little journey. It's called we're in a fucking amazing cabin for three nights, with a bunch of friends. It's called she's there along with the five of us that were already present. It's called, and I know this has been mentioned, but it would have been a totally different week.

There would have been a lot more tension. There wouldn't have been any fights because she's passive-aggressive and her main target, blog, probably wouldn't have started shit. Though, the wild card is that there was a metric fuckton of alcohol in the cabin and that's when shit would have hit the fan. It would have made for a pretty shitty week. I feel like my mouth would have started running eventually. It's no secret that with a little booze, my filter dissipates. There's all of one person that gets my non-filter on a daily basis, and I feel like she's earned it. (I say as if it's some prize. More like, last prize. More like, nerdular nerdance.) 99% of my friends haven't seen my completely unfiltered side. And with someone starting shit with my best friend... and with me already being so irritated with her, and with me having booze in my system...

It would have been bad. Everything happens for a reason, blog. And her not being there had a reason. So we could have fun. And we did. And I can't wait to do it again next year.

And that fucking bitch? Not invited. Unless she wants a shoe full of poop.
[boom]

So leave it behind, cos we have a night to get away

Hey blog. How's it going?

I'm not sure why I'm updating. Maybe because I feel like writing. Maybe because I'm balls tired and it's almost 2am. Those seem like times when I usually do this.

I have the boys out. They've been out for about two hours now. They started to play a little rough, but that's the only problem I've had thus far. I'm very happy. I'm curious to see how the night plays out and if I shall have to separate them tomorrow when I go to work. Somehow, I don't see this being a problem.

I can't wait to take the litter box out of my room. Fucking litter EVERYWHERE. Goddamn cats.

I think the other cat is still hanging around the house. I swear I heard something crying outside tonight by the back door. I need to figure out what it's doing because I refuse to let my boys see this cat and them lose their shit at each other again. T'was a long week but I'm glad that the elements of harmony seem to be restored. (You would make so much fun of me if you knew what that was from. Haters gon' hate.)

I realized today that my roommate still owes me rent money for this month. That explains why I have less that I originally thought.

I'm pretty excited to get through these next two days. My vacation starts at 6pm on Saturday. It's going to be really annoying working on Saturday. I don't usually say this, but I hope it's kinda busy otherwise I'll be as useful as Veronica in a nunnery.

My ear itches. Real bad. I need a Q-Tip. I'm lazy.

Dude. Today I was so lazy, I almost gave up on grocery shopping. I had my cart with shit in it and as I was walking to the checkouts I was like "I... don't want to." and I had half a mind to just abandon ship and leave. But I didn't. I did, however, let the non-perishables sit on the floor for like, two hours. I don't know why. I was just super tired and lazy. But I didn't nap.

My life is exciting. I know this is enriching you, blog.
dealwithit.jpeg

I've been falling asleep on the couch a lot lately. I think the last week has been mostly to keep harmony in the house. I.E. keep the boys from crying. Most other times it's because I'm drunk, though. Huh. Curious indeed.

I've got a really good chunk written for this next chapter of Truth. But I needed to step away cos my brain stopped focusing. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you shouldn't force things. Just let them come naturally, you know?

......


... Giggity.

I feel like a douche. I have my mouse on but I keep using my touch pad and then I'll use the mouse and... yeah, kind of a tool.

Wanna play vijeo games. Should go to sleep. Wanna go up north. Super stoked about it. Super. Stoked. Srsly.

Anyway. I'm having a coughing fit and I'm tired as goddamn shit. So, you know.

I'm gonna see your face Sunday night/Monday morning/For five minutes cos you'll pass right the fuck out and I don't blame you, blog! Yay!

[boom]