The neighbors are mowing our lawn

I really wish I was less inclined to play follow the leader with my life. Maybe then I wouldn't have failed out of school this semester and I wouldn't dissapoint everyone all the time.

I can only be assured that it's going to be okay so many times. I know it's going to be okay...I think. I just hate how everything turned out this time. I screwed up big time. And I feel like shit about it. If only my dad knew that I wasn't being honest with him.

I hate moving. We have to be more or less completely moved by tomorrow. Then I have to deal with idiot property management companies and whatnot. I should try to move our internet now.

Sentiment of the day: [In the fashion of a B-side Seether song that I cant remember the name of (fail)] Fuck.

Rubix cube.

I really, really want to write a story. A short one, because I am unable to create and hold a plot for a long period of time.

Oh well.

It's storming. Finally.

You know how sometimes you meet someone...and everything just...it just works. It's so effortless. Like a friend once said to me 'when it's easy...that's when you know.'

It also kind of sucks because when you find that person that works so well, you seem to not know what to do with yourself when they're gone. Even if it's just for a day.

I'm kind of special like that.

I really want to try writing something. I feel like my muse is thrashing around, trying to get free. I need to get creative. Maybe I'll write a song...

That's funny. I'm going by way of writing jokes. I'm no lyricist.

What the most likely senario is, is that I'll be online for awhile. Listen to the storm. Be maybe minorly freaked out by the storm. And then promptly pass out so I can go to work in...7 hours. I like my new position, don't get me wrong, but the sleep schedule is a little annoying.

I hate going to bed before 2.
That is counter-productive if I want to be to work on time.

I don't think my dog likes the thunder. He seems to be extra clingy right now. I'm sure one of my cats is cowering somewhere.

Perhaps they'd be used to storms if it stormed here once and awhile. I can go back to being afraid of storms if it means they'll come.

I really just want to move, like now.
Christ.

I stole this webcam from my girlfriend. My computer isn't buying it. I should probably update my drivers. Or something.

I really hate how jealous I am. Especially when I have no reason to be jealous. I hope I don't turn into one of those douchey guys that flips shit everytime my ladyfriend looks in the direction of another guy.
I think I'd shoot myself.

My dad called me yesterday. He asked me if he could move to a city, about 45 minutes away. He's so silly.

I need money. Really bad. Hello raises at work, don't fail me now.

My girlfriend is an assybutt smarmasaur. She knows why.
This also isn't the first time that she's internet creeped me. <3.

Do pixie sticks go bad? I mean, it's just sugar. It's sealed too. Huh.

Aaaaaaaaaaaand scene.

Mario Party 3

It's really hot outside. I usually get crabby when it's so hot and humid. Good thing I put in the air conditioning that isn't technically mine. Dude guy doesn't need it anydangway. Maybe I'll get to keep it. (I doubt it.)

My roommate just put my laundry in my room for me. Win.

Yesterday was my 6 month with my girlfriend. I got her a promise ring. She seemed to really like it even though she isn't the ring type. It makes me really happy to see her wear it. Even though it's just a promise ring, and not an engagement ring, it makes me really happy. I like it. I love her.

She bought be tickets to see Paramore and a rubix cube because the tickets didn't come on time. Also a really sweet card.

It's awesome that I've been in this relationship so long and I feel so comfortable. I mean, we're buying a trailer together. (God, that sounds so trashy. I wish it didn't.) Of course, now that I've said this, something bad will happen.

I'll probably die a little.

That's really emo. I guess it's kind of supposed to be. Becuase that's how I'd feel. Dead inside. I don't want to feel that way again. I can't afford to feel that way again. If I felt that way again, I feel that I wouldn't make it out as the same person I am now. I barely made it out with any sanity at all this last time.

I can't afford to lose her. I've put way too much faith, too much love into her. (That sounds bad.)

So. I don't think I'll let her go. (that also sounds bad. In a creepy way.)

Oddly enough, I don't think she'd let me go either. (I'd be cool if she stalked me. It's what I really wanted in the begining anyway.)

My blag is getting weird. I blame the heat.

So tired hurrk

Currently listening to Heart Shaped Box by Evanescence (yes, Evanesence not Nirvana)
Current thought: Yawn.

Every time I manage to hear something about Lady Gaga, I think part of me dies. I don't think I'm the only one.

My cat decided he wanted to be on my lap right now. I think that was because it was inconvenient to me.

I love my cats.

I read something yesterday about communicating with them telepathically. I feel like that would be totally cool, to get into the mind of my cats.
I also feel that it's totally batshit crazy worthy. I don't believe this can work. But, it's cool to think about. Lots of things are cool to think about though.

Know what's really cool to think about? I own my own place now. Except I don't have all the dollars for it.

Awesome.

I'm addicted to Craigslist

So, I've decided that I'm going to kind of review the Seether/Five Finger Death Punch/Hell Yeah/Drowning Pool/Lacuna Coil show I went to last night.

Disappointments of the night: Missing Lacuna Coil/My lack of nerve.
Surprises of the night: Five Finger Death Punch

Once my girlfriend and I rolled into Lacrosse, things were peachy. Still following the directions from Google map, we went around a giant building and had no idea where the venue was. And that's when I saw Shaun Morgan, Seether's vocalist, standing on the sidewalk talking to some chick. Just...chillin'. So, naturally, I didn't want to go meet the dude of one of my favorite bands ever. No, it makes far more sense to walk the OTHER way and yell at my girlfriend while she's trying to figure out why I'm so freaked out and not getting his autograph. (It's because I'm afraid that meeting celebrities could ruin them for me. What if Shaun is a massive tool? Seether would be ruined.)

So, anyway. When we walked in, Drowning Pool was almost set up. I didn't check the time when I strolled in, but I later found out that Lacuna Coil opened and we missed them. (Thank you 173 detour that put us back.) So, that was disappointing. But, onward.

Drowning Pool was okay. They did a few songs off of Sinner, the band's first album. I don't know what DP has been doing lately, really. I haven't listened to them since Sinner. I do know that the original lead singer died. In Milwaukee. And, if I remember, it's because he choked on his own vomit. Not pretty. And I totally get and appreciate the homage that could be paid in-show to him. But...there's a certian point where it's not homage paying and it's more "Hey remember that guy that you all loved but died well I like him too so like me and don't hate us!" That's what I got off of the singer. It was getting annoying. But, for what it's worth, they did Bodies amazingly. It was awesome.

After Drowning Pool we found a place to sit, because I didn't know two of the bands and I was sick of standing. And there was no way I was going down to the pit. I care far too much for the safety of my minutely fragile girlfriend. Also, I bloody hate drunks.

So Hell Yeah set up. And...well, I don't know Hell Yeah. I've never listened to them before. But I like some death metal from time to time so, what the hell, right?

I was so bored during their set. So. Bored. I was half asleep really. The people in the pit seemed to enjoy it, because he screamed and they could mosh and crowd surf. Wee. The singer was crouched near the front of the stage almost the whole time.

So, after the disappointment that was Hell Yeah, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to get a bite to eat. We had an hour before Seether took the stage. (This was after I realized and begrudgingly accepted that we missed Lacuna Coil.)

Five Finger Death Punch took the stage. From their intro, I was already interested. They had a strong intro, a strong first song (a strong 10 or so songs if I'm honest.) This guy really knew how to play the crowd. He had an amazing stage presence. I could understand him at times! At one point, he enouraged the fans to crowd surf up to him and shake his hand. It was pretty awesome. I'd love to see these guys headline. I would definitely go see them again. I might even have to check out some of their stuff. A+ for FFDP. Except at the very end when there was a mic problem or something and dude guy got all angry cos like, 3 or 4 mics weren't working. I still think they cut him off. Lame.

Ah, Seether. I love me some Seether. I consider myself a Seether concert veteran. I've seen them at a fair, as an opener, and, finally, as a headliner. I must say they just get better each time. It kind of sucks for Seether to follow Five Finger Death Punch because Shaun doesn't engage the crowd like the other guy did. Shaun loves to play music, that much is blatantly obvious. If you love rock music, and love to listen and thrash around...Seether is a good band. If you want to be engaged a lot, hear stories and bullshit, then their not. I, personally, wish Shaun would engage the crowd a little more, but that doesn't take away from the over all act to me. Shaun just seems a little more introverted to me. I would be the same way if I had thousands of people staring at me and judging my every move and sound.

Seether puts on a great music show, period. I will go and see them time and time again because I have a genuinely good time and their shows. It helps that Shaun is one of those guys who thanks the crowd a lot. To me that says "I'm sorry I'm kind of afraid of people but I appreciate you coming out here to see me and feed me and my daughter."

Oh and, Remedy? Seether's single off of Karma and Effect? Always the last song. Always flawless.

Gettin' dollaz is hard to do.

So, I couldn't really lay off of the fact that I have a blog again. Aside from being neurotic all day, it was like "woah, what am I, 15 again?" But, it feels different than it did before. Like, something that I needed to do quite some time ago.

I used to write little notes to myself on my computer. Little vauge ramblings with lyrics as titles that summed up the feel of the document. And it was satisfying...to a point. It was like venting to someone that was listening, and listening intently, but all you got in return was "mhm." and "oh. yeah. wow." and "Yeah? Then what?" It was only partially satisfying, partially fulfilling.

There's something about the interbutt that kind of takes that away. Something that says "Oh yeah? Wow. So, when that happened did you punch him in the face? Cos I will if you didn't." Something that responds, a certain kind of life that accompanies it. Regardless of the fact that people may or may not find it.

If I'm being real with myself, I only want one person to find it. She will. Because she's smart. And, by the time she reads this post, how ever old it may be when she finally sees it, she'll grin. Because she knows exactly who she is.

No, if I wanted more people to find it, I would have made a Tumblr. That's what all the cool kids are using these days, right? I'm not that cool. Rather, I'm far too private of a person to want everyone to find me.

By morning, I will have linked this account to Facebook and Twitter and everything else I've ever been on because I love attention more than I like to believe.

I hate myself for it.

I'm a born American from a small city. The quiet kid in the back of the class. When I get attention I roll in it like my dog does a clean towel. Otherwise, I just ride the wave because I can't possibly catch attention that I don't need. I'm far too self-hating to chase attention.

I feel like this is more bloggy than I wanted for my first official blog back. Better make it a good one, though.

I lost my train of thought. I get on a roll when I just let myself type, because then everything just comes out. That's how I speak best too. I just...let go. Detach from reality and let my body and my mind and whatever else control what I'm saying, what I'm doing, what I'm thinking.

I'm sitting here in my too quiet living room, watching my totally exhasuted girlfriend sleep on the couch next to what is, undeniably, her dog. I'm thinking that if I would have started this, say, 7 months ago, I would have linked to it all over Facebook, all over Twitter. I would have blogged about this gorgeous green-eyed girl in my classes and how I just wanted to talk to her. Anything to get her attention. I feel, though, that things wouldn't have worked out the same way as they did. She would have been scared off. No person wants to hear about some phsycotic stalker that watches them from all angles. (note: I can't spell words with the "phsy" prefix. Ever. Don't expect me to.)

I like thinking about the past. How it would have turned out differently with the drop of a hat. It's weird. Just think about it, take any substantial event in your life and backtrack to...well, to the event that, if it would have changed, life would have been different. I'll give you a minute to chew on that.

Yeah, weird right? I can trace everything that's happened in my life back to one huge thing that happened when I was 12. It's weird. Because if it wouldn't have happened, if it would have changed at all, I wouldn't be here today in this run down apartment, with an old friend and the lady I love the most.

Anyway. I think that is bloggy enough. Besides the fact that I keep getting distracted. (I hate closing statements. I always fail at them.)

Something Corporate is great live.

So I haven't actively blogged in quite some time. Probably since the firehorse that was Xanga burned out. I assume that's nearly 4 years ago.

Oh blogging, where were you when I needed to vent?

I don't need to vent anymore, I don't think. And, I highly doubt anyone of any importance to me will find this.

But hey, being invisible has never stopped me before.