Paramore is [still] the best band

I think I avoid coming here. I mean, I try to update to keep my, uh, reader, entertained. That's that part of me that wants attention. But there's the other part of me that's like...what am I going to unravel once I open that new blog? What kind of shit is going to come out?

Today, I was going to write a poem. I felt inspired. I drove by the river as the sun was setting. I saw how the light reflected off the water. I immediately wanted to write something, anything, everything. But I didn't. I just came home and watched TV. Why? I don't know why. Mostly because I felt that if I had wanted to share it...I wouldn't have been able to. Not that no one would have read it, it's just that I'm back to feeling like a burden to roughly everyone I've ever talked to. I don't really text anyone. I don't tweet at anyone. I don't...I just don't. I don't know. I just feel like everything I do is annoying. And I hate it. I hate it so much. Because I KNOW that's not how it is. I just can't get past it sometimes. I go through and reread some of the texts I send to people. Where is the confidence I once had? Where did it go? Why am I so full of doubt?

There's part of me that's getting better with things. But there is also part of me that is full, overflowing even, with doubt. Part of me doesn't even want to post this because all of my entries are so whiny. Why am I so whiny? Good lord.

And then...I don't like coming here because holy man dude do I get sick of whining and hearing myself talk...er...listening to myself type? Yeah. That. Whatever.

I just have to be patient, be diligent. I know that I'll be okay. I know this. I just have a hard time realizing and remembering it sometimes.

[boom].