Who could love me? I am out of my mind.

Heeeyyy.

My eyes are tired. I have no idea how far into this I'm going to get.

Do they make kitty muzzles because jesus christ shut up Tristen. Seriously. I'm right fucking here. Stop being an asshole and we can be a family again. Sigh.

Anyway. So I did some thinking yesterday. It was kind of random, but I'll roll with it because I never have anything good to say anyway.

So, Sam and I went to see Ted. Which was awesome and I enjoy it a lot except for the part where it kind of skeeves me out. Though, let's be honest with each other blog, I ham it up because you seem to enjoy my uncomfortability. Is that a word? It fucking is now. Bam.

Anyway. So as we're walking out of the theatre, I see one of my old roommates/someone who used to be one of my closest friends. Now, in high school, she was kind of the weird one of the group. She wore big platform shoes, and she was like, 5'10" to begin with. She had Garfield on everything. She was just... interesting. She's the one that we called "God" because in Jr. High she delivered notes for the office and learned like, all of our schedules for 6th hour. Kind of weird.

But then she got her first boyfriend, who we all called Surfer Barbie because, well, that's what he looked like.

It's weird seeing her now. She's out-right slutted herself up. It didn't help that she went to school for computers and was the only girl in the field, so all the nerds were falling over her. She's not unattractive, so I can see how they would be confused.

But it got me to thinking about High School. I mean, it's just weird. Like, in High School... we don't know who we are. We're starting to figure it out. We THINK we know. We have no clue. I think back to who I was six years ago and who I am at this very moment, typing these tired words in a dimly lit living room. It's different. Believe it or not, I'm more confident. Stronger. A little more brave. I know, it sounds funny because I'm awkward and shy and... well, I guess I am kind of strong mentally but I'm stronger now. Now, if someone were to, say, try to string me along for three years and make my life a living hell, I don't know if I would let it happen. I also have a better support network and I'm pretty sure some people, blog, would be pretty keen on killing that kind of shit on the quickfast.

I honestly can't tell if I hate myself more or less. I think it's less. I think that my confidence links to it. Don't misunderstand me, I don't think I'm awesome... all the time. I have my faults and, for once, I actually know what they are.

It's just weird. Seeing how people change both inside and out. (I haven't changed all that much on the outside. At least I don't think? I haven't truly known my weight since I was a freshman in high school.)

It's weird to see people change, for better or worse. Luckily, I'm at a point in my life where I don't need or want shitty people around me. I can finally say "wow, yeah, you suck go away." And that's nice. I think that's the confidence thing, too. It's like, I know that I can make MORE friends and not have to settle for anyone and their backwards, retarded bullshit. It's pretty great.

This seems too positive a blog for me, though, so... uh... I....

I got nothin'. I mean, I could I guess? But really, what's the point in worrying about shit when I know everything's gonna work itself out.

My name is Torch, and my element is Loyalty. Also awesomeness. Cos I'm The Miz... and I'm... AWWWWWWWWEEEEESSSSSOOOMMME. (I would totally change that to your ringtone if I wasn't hellbent on never changing your ringtone ever. Not that I think you're awesome, blog, I'm just saying it fits your self-proclaimed awesomeness.)

Goodnight.
[boom]