We got a whole lot of money but we still pay rent

'Cause you can't buy a house in Heaven.




This week has been trying as fuck, blog.

First, I've been working at least 9 hour shifts since last Tuesday. Finally have a day off tomorrow. It will be nice to just... not go to wor- OH WAIT. I have a meeting tomorrow. At least it's just an hour. And I can sit. And not work. And yell. I like yelling. Fuck those guys.

Where to start? Well, I guess I woke up Tuesday Morning, for a 2am cleaning shift, crying. I don't remember a whole lot of it. It started as a Trivia dream. Probably because I slept literally all of Monday away. All of it. Anyway, yeah, so I was having these Trivia dreams. Mostly about stones, not so much about the actual questions. Well, it turns out that we ended up in some club or something. Wherein I saw my brother, Casey. It was weird because, obviously, we're so close and we talk all the time. The next thing I know is Michele is there and she's trying to tell me that she cares about me and whatever. I tell her to fuck off because, shit, when has she ever been there for me? I have my parents and she's not one of them. Then, she pulls out these papers from my grade school. Papers that only parents would have. Papers that mean she was checking up on me. So, apparently, I started crying in my dream. And when my alarm when off, my face was a little wet.

It's weird. Because I honestly don't care about her or him. I have my dad and my aunts. I also have my friends. I don't need her. It's just odd.

Fast forwarding to today, I found out that one of my old coworker's son/our redbull vendor died in a pretty terrible car crash last night. It's just... like, woah. Like, I wasn't really friends with him he was just Nick. But I can't imagine how it would feel as a parent to have to bury your mid twenty-something year old son... who got into a car crash and burned alive. How... how could you DO that? I can't even imagine. It's just... really heavy.

Aaaand then there's Alyssa. We're pretty good friends. I'd say she's one of my best friends, actually. But she's been acting different. Strange, distant... yet she's putting on enough of a face to make me feel like I'm just imagining it. But then Kelli came to me and asked if I thought Alyssa was acting strange. So I know I'm not just imagining it. Things are different. Tonight I was angry. Well, I was hurt. But I was angry. Alright, I was listening to Breaking Ben's "Dear Agony" album so... there's that. Lemme tell ya, though, one of the best work outs I've had in a REALLY long time.

At this point, I'm just waiting for her to tell me why. I was so upset about it that Sam told me what was going on. Alyssa's been distancing herself because, apparently, she's going to move to Illinois in July and live with her sister. She almost bailed on going to the cabin. Sam talked her out of that. This put me into shock. Partially because... jesus, really? And partially because we were supposed to move to Madison next May. I still want to move to MadTown (Part of me wants to follow that with "if that's okay with you, blog" but I had the idea first. Now I just have more ammunition to do so because more of my friends will be in one place. And who knows, maybe Sam will move with me. She wants out of Point too.)

Anyway. The point is that I'm not supposed to know that. No one but Sam is. And I'll heed to that because Sam was only doing me a favor and saving me the sad. But it just... why not just tell me? It kind of hurts. We've always been open with each other, at least for the most part and now it's just. Fuck.

So between this, stupid fucking... I swear to christ, this new chick at work is dumber than a bag of inbred hammers. Working a lot, sexist truck drivers, general unhappiness and unsurities in my life... What am I supposed to do?

Which brings me to school. Since this semester is totally fucked beyond belief, because of my constant working, I'm going to withdraw from this semester and try again in the fall. I'm hoping that I can reduce my hours somehow, considering I pretty much have a for sure AFSL, and just... fucking work on graduating. I know I've got it somewhere in me. I fucked it up this semester. I am sorry. I am sorry to me because I thought I was good enough to do it. I'm not so sure I can. I'm going to try, though. I started out so strong, but I honestly think that working so much just fucked my shit. I'm so tired at all the wrong times. It's fucking 4am. I have no idea how I end up doing shit like this all the time. It sucks. I hate been so insomniatic all the time.

I might try to write more tomorrow. I know that I have enough rage in me to write a big ass fight. All I have to do now is remember. The problem is that I have no idea what was said when I wasn't in the room. So, maybe if I could get some info on that. I dunno. Every so often I get the need to call and ask these sorts of things, but you know how I don't like to be a bother, Blog. So a message would suffice. I mean, if that's okay with you. I just wanna get it right. I know that I don't remember a whole lot of what happened with my conversation, so I'm sure you don't either, but anything at all would be helpful.

I'm going to go watch Mythbusters until my eyes bleed. I don't want to go to bed yet. Though, since I more or less whined to you I don't know I'll have a huge problem. Maybe, though.

But what about you, Blog? Any new or fun things? You should really get on Facebook soon. I would enjoy talking with you. I need a friend, Blog. I feel like a fucking leper. (mumble)not sure how a blog site is gonna get on a social networking site...

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