Five time, five time, five time, five time, five time

Alright. Tied the record with five. Can we make it six blags in a month? Time is wearing thin. The pressure is on!

There's just too much pressure. I'm nervous.

That's the second time I've used that lyric in the last two days. I really need to knock that shit off.

Anyway.

I learned something this weekend. Well, wait. Okay. I RElearned something and it isn't the weekend. I guess I just assume that when I get to leave down and see my best friend and some other cool people that it's the weekend. I think it's illegal to enjoy myself that much during the week. I think that's why I have a hard time realizing tomorrow is Christmas Eve. You know, SATURDAY the 24th. I keep thinking it's like, Monday tomorrow. I almost forgot I work.

Anyway. I should explain. Because I didn't last night. After leaving Josh and Kristin's, my stomach was in my throat. Like, I seriously felt like puking. Was it the food? No. No it wasn't. But Alyssa called me and I told her I was nervous (hence the terrible song lyrics). Why? Because I am ALWAYS nervous in that particular situation.

Why? Why in God's name am I nervous when I'm going to see someone I should have zero nerves about? The ONE person in the entire fucking world that can see through ALL of my bullshit. The one person that I've never hidden anything from. Ever. (Except that hooker in the trunk.)

Why? It doesn't make sense. And then it did. Again. Probably. I'm sure I've learned this before.

I think I get scared that like, things will be different. Like, what if I get there/she gets here and she's like "meh, hey. Whatever. Go die."

I would be sad. Like... more sad than I've ever been. But like, that's not the case. That's never been the case. Ever. Like, jesus. How blind can I be? Each and every time I'm nervous and each and every time those nerves melt away before greetings are even uttered. I think it's just the anticipation. And then... well, as Vinyl would probably say, she saw her favorite lavender eyes.

Though, I think if I saw someone with lavender eyes, I would call bullshit. Or meth. Either is plausible. But I think, either way, it's a viable comparison.

That Vinyl Scratch. She's so fucking cool. I guess Octavia is alright too.

Anyway. I got side tracked with ponies. Go figure.

Long story short, I have tried to distract myself when going on such journeys to the land of the southern Wisconsin. It's a lot worse when I'm going down there. At least when it's reversed it's like "OH GOD A CAR DOOR SHE'S HERE OH GOD OH GOD Oh- Hey, what's up?". When I go down there (giggity. Sorry, had to be done) I get off the interstate and start fucking hyperventilating.

I think that I might FINALLY be able to get over that. Everything is always the same. I mean, it's been since... August? And nothing has changed. We haven't missed a beat. From the serious talks to the fist fights and wrestling matches, it's all the same. It's nice. It's awesome. It's all I can ask for, really. Well, aside from asking someone to shorten the distance between Darien and Stevens Point. I think I should just buy a huge fucking house and make all of my favorite people live in it. It would be... interesting. And full of booze. And bruises. (Because my shoulder STILL hurts. There's going to be payback for this, and you can run and tell THAT. Homeboy.)

Also, I wish I had time to make a better video than I did. Next time gadget, next time.

Or now? The world will never know. I wonder, though, if there's anything that I could do that would please you, Blog. Like... are you indifferent (you are) or is there something that you would like to see? Like, a live reading or... watching the creative process, or a movie of... dogs. Or like, do a question and answer? With.. myself? I don't bloody know. I'll think about it.

Anyway. I'm going to TRY to go to bed as I work early tomorrow.
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