What Hurts the Most

Well, today is the day I've been waiting to get over with, and trying my hardest to not think about.

The weekend was amazing. I got to spend time with the one person on this earth that fully and completely understands me. We had a heart to heart (with booze) on Thursday. It was nice. The nicer part, still, is how easy it is to just... jump right into a conversation. It's not awkward at all (despite us both being a little on the awkward side). Friday was Friday. It was like any other day. Saturday was off the chain (is that what the kids are saying these days?) I had a ridiculous and probably illegal amount of fun. Seriously. Holy shit I have never been that drunk before. Though, unfortunately for me, I still don't think it counts. <_______<.

The best part is that everything felt the same as it had before. Everything was comfortable. Everything was easy. Not that I was surprised. So maybe I was a little nervous that things had completely changed? She's proven time and time again that I'm kind of a tool like that. My words, not hers. The point, though, is that nothing is changing because we have a really strong friendship. And that's not going away. Despite it all, that's not going away. I will maintain that we will be good friends for a very long time. When I said BFF, I wasn't being ironic (well, not totally ironic). I meant every letter. That sounds retarded. THE POINT, is that I have the best kind of best friend and I would do well to remember that, next time I'm wallowing in an endless sea of self-pity. The point, is that there is still room in her life for me (I... think?). The point, is that just because things are changing, doesn't necessarily mean they will be different. Chapters end, but new ones begin. The story keeps on writing and evolving. And I am confident that she is one main character that won't get replaced for a very long time.

I still can't stand being in my house right now though. I can't do it.

Shifting gears for a second. I think the other leading lady of the story might end up going away. Which is a pity. She was a good friend of mine. I guess we'll see what happens. To say that I don't have high hopes is kind of an understatement. We'll see internet, we'll see.

I took tomorrow off work for a reason. I need time before I can pretend to be happy around people I could give a shit about. For right now, I'm going to remind myself of the first couple of paragraphs and the totally awesome weekend I just had, in an attempt to keep the tears at bay.

[boom]