Stuck on you

I really have an idea for a music video. I mean, I don't have the proper tools or actors or editing equipment or anything. But I have a vision. It's pretty neat. At least, I think Emily would like it.

Speaking of her, I've been in a few relationships in my life. Obviously, most of them didn't work out. It's just nice waking up in the morning and looking at Emily first thing. It's nice hanging out with her and playing games, or even staying silent. I'm grateful that I can be in a relationship as me for once. I know it sounds kinda crazy, but in all of my other relationships, there has been something preventing me from being me, 100%. And that sucks. But with Emily...it's just so different. I don't have to pretend to not like music that I like. I don't have to try to hide me being an occasional blazing retard. I can e-fed all I want. I can fuck around on photoshop and be a general e-nerd, and she doesn't care. (I thinks he likes me leaving her alone. I'm kind of like a little kid.) I also don't have to try to buy her love (which...doesn't stop me from buying her things.)

Its just nice being comfortable in my own skin. It's nice knowing that I can let my guard down all the way and still be loved. It's nice actually having someone tell me they think I'm good looking. I think one of my ex-flings/girlfriends/whatever ever told me that. One. I think. I could be wrong. That was...what, 8 years ago? Fuck. I'm old.

I think one of the best things about having Emily around is that when my birthday does finally roll around, she's not going to turn into some deprived, attention-seeking pshyco (fuck you 'pshy' words. you can suck it. AKA i can't spell.)

Everything is just comfortable. It's hard to believe that this time last year I was in the middle of one of my worst depression bouts ever. And a year and a month ago this gorgeous brunette with awesome headphones caught my attention...and you know what they say about the rest, it's history. I'm not going to bore anyone on the Internet with details...mostly because no one on the internet is going to read this. Also, I think if I bring up last fall one more time Emily is going to shank me.

Someday, though, I'll have to provide some sort of time table. Cos that's how I roll. God knows how many little blogs/notes/diary things I lost when my computer went down. It's really sad. Which is why, for some reason, I'm relying on the internet to keep all this. But, no offense Internet, but I can't really open up to you the same way I can open up to my hard drive. I mean, if someone reads my stuff on my hard drive, they're snooping. If someone reads this blog post that the ENTIRE INTERNET can see...well, they're probably stalking me. (Hi Joel and Blake!). I would laugh if one of them found this. I'd peg Joel first, mostly cos he's my little hacker buddy.

Anyway Internet, I work in the morning. Time for some sleep before Emily comes home and I can't sleep anymore.