For the last 10 and a half months, I've been the luckiest person on the planet. It sucks being away from the person I love the most, even for a short period of time. (Though, I'm doing a lot better in handling it.)
Sometimes, It's hard to believe that my life is so put togehter, even when it feels like it's falling apart. Which, actually, isn't super often nowadays. It's weird when I have these "When I have kids I can do this" thoughts. I had trained myself to hate kids, to never want them, because I never thought I'd get the chance to have them. It was a defense mechanism. Oh, no one wants to be with me for a long time? Well fine, I don't want to build a life with anyone. We can rent apartments and shit. So that way, when I get let down about the relationship, I don't actually lose anything.
It's just funny how things change based only on this gut feeling. Maybe I don't not want kids. I want to own our own house with a full basement and plenty of land to run around on. I want to settle down and get married...maybe.
I want to be lucky for the rest of my life.
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