I'm saying something that I should have never thought.

I'm so fucked tomorrow. I'm so tired, but I won't sleep because I'm not at work and I don't have to.

I keep thinking back to a time when I stayed up, getting to know Paramore, and refreshing Facebook because I had no idea when I was going to get to talk to someone. Back when I read MLIA everyday, LOLcats, and before Cheezburger had a crazy ass network. Back before F my life disappeared and TFLN surfaced.

I can't believe that was almost a year ago. A year ago when I just wanted to die. I literally considered it. What else did I have? Nothing. What do I have now? Everything. And it's weird, because the one person that I needed the most...is gone. I thought I needed her more than anything. I thought that somehow, some way, she'd save me. But in the end, it was her that was killing me. My saviour wasn't her, but I did find her. It's just crazy. I can almost feel that broken-hearted, not-wanting-to-be-hopeful-but-am-still-falling-way-too-hard feeling in my chest. It's like it never left. I guess I can only feel that feeling so many times before I remember what it's like to be up at 3am with the soft hum of a computer the only thing that's constant in your life.

But that feeling is gone. I don't need to be broken hearted. Sure, I'm sad sometimes. I feel like a failure, a useless fuck up. I'm not sure I can ever get that to stop. But I'm almost 22 (scary), I own my own house, I have awesome pets, cool friends, and the best girlfriend I could ever wish for. So, despite the tasteless drama, my stupid insecurities, a job I utterly loathe, and overall petty things that try to drag me down...I'm sitting pretty well for someone that's barely scraping by in college. Things change, and sometimes, it's not for the worst.

I think there's something about the change of the season that makes me nostolgic. I know it's still summer, but it's a cool, quiet, fall-smelling (don't judge) night, and I couldn't love it more.

And now, part of a segment I'm working on for Ex-pe-dub. Or, one I'm being over-zealous about writing cos I don't even know that I get to write it yet. I just have ideas.

[Scrambled feed]
[Zoom in on a segment in progess]


**A chorus of boos as Ant gazes into the crowd. Zack bounces on the bottom rope yelling at fans while Kenua stares death rays. Omen sits in the corner, watching**

Ant: You people can't see a good thing when it's happening. You're all a buncha morons! The XWO is going to give the XPW a shot in the ass and wake it up. It's been sleeping for way too long. And for all of you idiots who are talkin' shit like you own the place...

**Ant grins as he, of course, owns the place**

Ant: ... Why don't you shut your yaps before we have to do it for you. To all of you boys in the back, the Tournament of Chaos was just an example...NO ONE can stop the XWO!

**The crowd boos more as the XWO soaks it in. You Make Me Sick by Egypt Central hits and the crowd whips into a frenzy**

Sal: My god! It's Torch! What the hell is he doing here?

**Torch walks onto the stage and soaks in the massive cheers for a moment before focusing his full attention on the XWO. He makes his way down the ramp and around the ring to grab and mic before entering. He switches his gaze between all four members of the XWO. Torch looks tense as he stares into the mouth of the lion. The crowd dies down so he can speak.**

Torch: You know, it's funny...how these things turn out.

Ant: Yeah? You got jokes funny man? What's your business down here? Shouldn't you be in a nursing home somewhere?

Torch: Cute. Coming from a man who's about a rusty as I am, with about half as much talent as I have, I think it's ironic that you're badgering me about being an oldtimer.

**Ant snarls as the crowd pops. The XWO draws closer behind Ant as the two former champions stare each other down.**

Torch: But, since you asked so nicely, I'll tell you why I'm down here. See, I've always respected you Ant. Your firocity and your knack for business situations...you're a natural. Until now that is. You're fixing the XPW? How? That's like Bill Gates coming to your house and pissing in the hard drive of your computer, you know, to make it work better. No, wait, I've got it. That's like Bill Gates coming out with Windows Vista in an attempt to...wait, he did that, that it failed just like this will.

Ant: Oh yeah tough guy? You think you're so smart huh? What are you going to do about this?

Torch: Right, right. No one can stop you. I forgot.

** Torch steps closer to Ant which makes the other three members of the XWO tense up, ready to fight. Ant looks like he's ready to knock Torch's head off, as he's got both hands balled in a tight fist. Torch smirks and lowers his eyebrows. He looks sinister.**

Torch: Have you ever fought against nature, Anthony? You have, and you've lost. No one can beat nature...no one can win against the elements.

**The crowd pops with an electic anticipation as Ant cocks his head to the side, unsure. Kenua and Omen's eyes dart around the arena as Zack stays focused on The Silent Assassin.**

Ant: Quit talkin' poetry you fuckin' sissy boy. What are you talking about.

**Torch smiles at Ant for a moment before the lights cut out. The crowd screams in pitch black silence. Finally, Cold (But I'm Still Here) By Evans Blue hits and the crowd errupts into cheers once again. The lights come up to show The Elements Redefined, Torch and 3 Dogg standing in the ring, side by side. The XWO made a break for the outside of the ring and glares at the two men. The crowd is going absolutely wild at the sight of Torch and 3 Dogg in the ring together once again.**

Torch: You don't think anyone can stop you, Ant? You're dead wrong. I don't care if there's three, four, sixteen, a hundred of you fuckers...you cannot beat the Elements. No one has, and no one will!

** The crowd pops as Torch hands the mic to 3 Dogg who smiles and scans the crowd.**

3 Dogg: Check it holmes...we ain't the ER that can save you...but we can send you to one that will. Woof Woof...

**3 Dogg throws the mic in the air as the crowd chants "Mother Fucker" to finish the catchphrase.**

[static]
[back to reality]

Well that was fun. It's time for bed. I'm sleepy. And it's getting harder to not screw up typing.