An early post

Because something is bothering me.

It took a few days for it to sink in. I gotta admit, I'm a little slow sometimes.

I was more or less prepared for this. I figured that when his scheduled changed around that you would have little to no time for talking to me. I came to terms with that. I didn't like it, but I expected it, especially after the blow up we had last month. I understand the idea of getting completely wrapped up in whoever you're with because I do the same thing. I'd be a damn liar if I said that I didn't abandon other things in my life when I had a significant other I actually cared about.

I'd also be a damn liar if I said that I would not talk to any of my exes if the person I was with asked. I can't say with certainty either way to be honest. I've thought long and hard about it. If you had asked me to stop talking to Rora, I likely would have. Is that because of where Rora and I were in our friendship or because of the hold you had over me? I'm not sure. If someone asked me to stop talking to you because they didn't like it, can I say with any degree of accuracy that I would? No. One way or another, I can't answer that question because I'm not in that situation.

So, in that sense, I can't be angry about it. And I'm not. I'm not angry. I haven't, nor will I, cry. But I would be a damn liar if I said that this doesn't upset me to some degree. Here's why.

I feel like, and I've said this before, our friendship is stronger than it ever has been. Who knows why. But I've worked my ass off to stay somewhat mentally stable enough to continue being friends with you, and I think it's bullshit that just because someone says so, it has to all end randomly. I know what I say doesn't make a difference, and that's fine, but I have to get this off my chest before it really starts to get to me.

Perhaps, had I realized before now, that your call was a 'farewell', I could have figured something else out. This is Kenny all over again and that sucks for me. I understand his side, though, odd as that may seem. I was never crazy about you talking to any of your exes when we were together either. So, from his point of view, I get it. Though, this sounds like a guy who would get jealous of a blade of grass for caressing you too gently. But I still don't think it's fair. Of course I don't. Because I'm the one getting screwed out of something I worked so hard to maintain.

I know, and I'd come to terms a long time ago, that we're not going to be talking on the phone 3-4 times a week anymore. That's fine. No problem. I understand, or at least understood, that calls would be rare and texts would be maybe once a week. But I can't handle a full radio silence. I know that's what was asked of you and I know you'll oblige because you're you. I'd expect nothing less.

But... but maybe when you're driving to your sister's and you want to have a chat on the way down or back,
Or maybe when the boy is off fixing his car with a friend,
Or maybe when you're in a different country and feel like having a chat for awhile (after talking with your boyfriend, of course),
Or maybe even when you're poopin' and want someone to text...

Maybe you'll think of me?

Like I said, I'm not going to cry about it or anything because I expected it and I've been here before. It'd just be nice to get a word in edgewise if you ever find yourself with the time. I would appreciate it.