I'm captivated by you, baby, like a fireworks show

I've finally stopped playing Madden for long enough to do some of my writing that I keep telling people I'm going to do.

So, naturally, I found myself here.

And I won't hear any guff about me liberally using the term "regularly scheduled" when it took almost a full month for a comment. So, hush you.

I'm so goddamn bored. I wish I had friends who would stay up with me and drink until obscene times in the morning. Is that... is that weird? Should I wish for that? I think it's kind of weird. But everyone knows that I'm a functional alcoholic.

It's alright. Next weekend I get to be among my people. Drunks. The whole lot of you.

I shouldn't be so excited.

I am.

My cats found a bunny slipper to play with. This humors me.

Tonight my friends and I were exchanging stories. They started out with a reason, but quickly dissolved into silly things like we do. They got me talking about some of my favorite sex memories.

I got distracted a lot.

What? Don't fucking grin at me like that, blog. I'm just being honest. And I heard roughly zero-point-zero complaints at the time. So, again I say, hush you.

Jesus, I can't believe I totally skipped the month of August. Sorry, August. I just like September more. Nothing personal.

(It's totally personal.)

I'm torn between staying sober and writing or getting drunk and writing. And let's be honest; there is no competition here.

Jesus I have problems.

Oh well!

I told Matt today that after bonuses I might try to get a job down in Madison and make the commute. Matt asked me why I wouldn't just move down there. I have no real good answer except I couldn't afford a place on my own and I think living with Josh and Kristin would be terrible in the long run. Maybe even the short run. I get irritated with them easily when I have to spend a lot of time with them. Not good.

On the other hand, I don't really want to wait until next summer to move. I really want to get out of here as soon as possible. I just don't know what to do. I would feel bad leaving Sam because she isn't ready, but I can't... I just can't.

When I walk up to the building, before clocking in, and I'm already getting angry. When I can feel my heart beat start to run up. When I can feel my blood pressure rising. When I can feel the headache creep up on me... I can't do it anymore.

What do I do? I can't just wait for things to fall in my lap so I can move down there, but I can't stay here. What to do, what to do?

Maybe I should forgo drinking and get some sleep.

We both know I won't.

Like Ted said, "Fuck."

When I actually think of where I want to be in my life, it gives me a headache. How in the fuck am I almost 24 and I have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.

Right. We're done with this. I'm done thinking about this right now. I'm going to go do anything else right now.

[boom]